Is my child normal? That’s the question, isn’t it? If you find yourself asking this over and again when it comes to your child’s development, you aren’t alone. Meeting milestones is a major focus of childhood (not to mention a major stress for parents). So, you look up what your child is supposed to be doing and when. But, then you see it – the words that say something like, “Your child should be doing “x” at “x” months of age.” And, you realize that there’s a milestone missing. It’s only by a week or two, but you’re nervous now. Don’t stress, at least not right now. It’s completely normal to feel anxious about your child’s development. That’s why understanding the in’s and out’s of it is a parenting priority.
Developmental Dates
The word “milestone” seems so concrete. Unlike the mile markers on the highway, these aren’t precise numbers. Yes, mile 119 actually means mile 119. But, saying that your child will walk at 12 months doesn’t necessarily mean that the moment she turns one, she’ll get up and start sprinting.
Milestones are like guides when it comes to child development. They provide a framework for parents and professionals to assess a child and understand if the child needs extra help in an area. Does missing a milestone mean that there might be a problem? Possibly. Keep in mind, there’s a difference between completely missing the milestone and being off by a few days or weeks.
Think of milestones as windows of time. There’s wiggle room when it comes to what the individual child does. Why give that wiggle? Each child’s an individual! Some babies, toddlers and children take slightly more time to reach major markers, while others may take less. You may even notice that some milestones aren’t exact ages, instead they’re age ranges. This might be a two, three or more month range when a child should reach the marker. Let’s say that the range is 8- to 12-months for a specific development. Some babies reach the milestone at 8-months, others at 11-months and others not until 12-months. All of these are completely normal in this case.
Childhood Connections
Developmental milestones fall into categories or areas. These include cognitive (intellectual), physical (fine and gross motor), social, emotional and language development. Even though there are individual milestones by age for each category, these tend to overlap and depend on one another. In other words, your child’s language development isn’t created in a vacuum.
As your child builds skills in one area, she’s also developing in others. These are often dependent on one another. Why? Most simply stated – because some milestones need others. For example, your child may not reach some speech and communication milestones until she develops cognitively. Likewise, she may not be able to show you some social emotional skills until she has the words (i.e., language/communication development) to express them.
Order Over Rate
Okay, so if some children develop at slightly different times and there are several month-long windows, what’s the point of milestones anyway? Aside from the obvious (missing a milestone sticks out as not so typical), they are set up in a specific order that provides parents, pediatricians and other experts a sequence of events. Think about a child’s physical development – can a baby walk before she crawls? Not likely. Yes, some babies skip the crawling stage completely (or find some other way of scooting around). But, there is an order of development that has to happen for a baby to get from non-mobile to walking. This is true across all of the developmental domains. You wouldn’t expect your child to talk in long sentences before she babbles or says simple words, right? With that in mind, it’s the order of development and not the precise rate that you need to worry about. Development is also a step by step process. Your child can’t skip steps and she shouldn’t be rushed through them. Can you help your child’s development along by using learning activities? Sure, of course! Keep in mind, filling your child’s day with educational play doesn’t mean that she’ll breeze through the sequence of development at a super-speedy pace. While there are some children who move quickly from one step to another, others need time (no matter how many ‘developmental’ activities you do with them).
Missing Milestones You’ve poured over milestone lists, and suddenly something sticks out. Even though you’ve waited and waited, it seems like the window has gone by. And, your little one isn’t where she should be – yet. What do you do now? If you’re like most parents, you kind of freak out. Hey, you love your child and only want the best for her. So, it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling upset (or more than upset) at the thought of something being off. Keep in mind, even though milestones are more like windows than specific points, missing one is cause for questioning (but, not necessarily extreme concern). If you think that your child has missed a milestone or is truly lagging behind, talk to a pro. And no, the Internet is not an expert. While medical and child development focused websites can provide you with plenty of information, they can’t diagnose or treat your child. When a problem comes up, and you don’t know who to turn to, start with someone you already know and trust – your pediatrician. That said, your pediatrician probably won’t be your last stop.
Pediatricians are specialists in childhood illnesses and issues. But, they aren’t specialists in each and every condition that children may have. When you suspect that your child is having a developmental problem, the pediatrician can tell you if you’re way off base or not. If you’re not, the doctor can refer you to a specialist in the area. This might mean going to see a speech-language pathologist if your child isn’t speaking or only has a few words by the time she’s well into the toddler time period or an audiologist if your child’s hearing seems impaired. A specialist will do a full evaluation, in the area that your child’s struggling with. Sometimes you may have to take your child to more than one specialist. Why? If your child is missing milestones in more than one area, the missing milestones occur with behavior changes or the specialist feels that the issue spans several different developmental domains, you may need a few different consults.
While this certainly seems scary, don’t forget that there’s a reason why experts spend so much time researching child development milestones. Whether you’re looking at a communication milestone, a physical one or anything else, specialists have techniques galore to help your child succeed. Are milestones making you crazy? That just means you’re a parent now! Before you start pulling your hair out over them, take a deep breath and remember that they are guides and not laws. Your child is special, and that means her rate may differ from that of your BFF’s child. That’s okay. And if you’re feeling like there’s an issue to deal with, that’s what the pros are there for! What stresses you out most about meeting milestones? Share your story in the comment section! #childmilestones #development
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